


it's nothing (that he could hide)

by soapyconnor



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: (sort of but not rlly), Alpha Harry Hart, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Depression, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Eggsy Unwin, child endangerment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 09:23:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12273531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapyconnor/pseuds/soapyconnor
Summary: eggsy wished harry could be there. he desperately wanted him to be. then, he finally is.





	it's nothing (that he could hide)

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @lensmccoys for more!!!!  
> also i changed quite a bit of eggsy's personality bc i thought he would handle this differently then most b/c of the trauma, so sorry bc of the oocness of it. also sorry for the mistakes i didn't bother to proof read it. 
> 
> title is a lyric from she's my collar by gorillaz

            Eggsy swallowed harshly as he walked out of Kingsman. His hand was fisted in the front of his white t-shirt. His heart was racing and his legs were shaking.

            _What are you going to do_? He thought, staring down at the sidewalk as he made his way home.

            His glasses signaled a message from Merlin. _Eggsy, what’s wrong?_ After a moment of no response, he sent another one. _We need to talk._

            He ignored them both, and kept walking.

 

 

            When he reached home, he was instantly greeted by JB. Numbly, he picked him up and began to gently pet him. JB licked at his face, getting slobber all over him. Eggsy gently pulled him closer as he headed into the kitchen. He stopped, and peered at his calendar.

            His eyes immediately went to the big red circle on today’s date. _Heat_ , it read it big bold letters. He swallowed again. Today was the day he was supposed to be in the most painful experience of his life but here he was, feeling perfectly okay and like he was ready to go kick some ass . . . which only meant one thing.

            He sat down heavily on the bed, and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. JB struggled to get out of his grasp, jumping onto the couch cushion next to Eggsy, before curling up in his side. Eggsy rolled over a bit, gently raking his fingers over JB.

            He removed his glasses, and tossed them onto the couch.

            He was pregnant. Plain and simple. He was pregnant and it belong to . . . to . . .

            He closed his eyes and held back his tears. What was he going to do? He couldn’t keep it, not with his job. But this kid was a part of _him_ and a part of _Harry_ . . . he couldn’t give it up. He couldn’t keep it either. He wanted to rip his hair out.

            “Fuck,” he mumbled, pressing his face against JB’s fur. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t tell anyone. He wasn’t going to tell anyone. It was going to be his own secret, and what happened . . . happened.

            He fell asleep, body going limp.

 

 

            He enjoyed that Merlin wasn’t an alpha or an omega, and that he had minimal contact with Roxy nowadays. He had been hiding his secret for about five months now, and he was lucky that he was small. He wasn’t showing very much, and he was grateful.

            He had been going to the doctor more than he probably should be. He was worried, naturally, that something would go wrong. Especially after he got a pretty violent kick to the gut. But no, it was healthy, and growing well.

            Eggsy knew he should stop. He knew he should consider taking time off until it was born.

            But he couldn’t. It was one of the things that prevented him from thinking about . . .

            He flinched, but then hid it behind a smile as he walked into Kingsman. He nervously played at his suit jacket’s buttons, and knew that soon he’d have to go up another size. He was grateful that the man who made their suits never asked questions, and just did what they ask.

            He descended into Kingsman, and smiled tiredly at Merlin, who was quickly approaching him. “Hey, Merlin, what’s going on—?”

            “Show me your shoulder,” he demanded, staring hard at Eggsy.

            Eggsy swallowed, staring back at him. “Why should I?”

            “God damn it, Eggsy, just show me your shoulder!” he snapped, gripping his arm tightly.

            He flinched, and tried to back away from Merlin, to no avail. Reluctantly, he said, “All right. I will. Just let go of my arm.” Merlin did so, and he watched as Eggsy unbutton his suit jacket. He took the jacket from Eggsy, and watched him unbutton his dress shirt.

            Eggsy’s eyes were on the wall over Merlin’s shoulder. He refused to look anywhere else as he slowly lowered his shirt off his shoulders. He heard him gasp, and then felt a warm hand touch the bruise. His jaw clenched, as Merlin said, “Eggsy . . .”

            “What?”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” he sounded hurt. He knew if he looked in Merlin’s eyes he’d see pain. “You’re pregnant and you didn’t tell me?”

            He put his shirt back on and began buttoning it, shrugging Merlin’s hand off the bruise. Instead of pulling his hand away, Merlin’s hand fell onto Eggsy’s slightly rounded stomach. The baby kicked against his hand, causing him to gasp softly, and Eggsy to knock his hand away. “Why would I tell you? Just so you can control every aspect of my life?”

            “Because we’re _friends_ ,” Merlin mumbled. “That’s what friends _do . . ._ I wouldn’t control your life, but I would have made sure you hadn’t gone out in the field! Eggsy, you could have died _multiple times_ within the last six months! You put yourself and your kid in danger. I—”

            “You’re disappointed, I know,” he snapped in reply. “You don’t have to tell me.”

            “I’m _scared_ for you, and for the kid.”

            “So, what you gonna do now that you now?” Eggsy asked, finally meeting Merlin’s gaze. “Gonna throw me out? Gonna tell Arthur so I stop getting assignments?”

            Merlin swallowed hard. Eggsy knew he was contemplating hard from the serious look on his face. “I should,” he said finally, “I really should tell Arthur and get you removed until the kid is born, but I know what’s going to happen.”

            “Oh? What’s that?”

            “You won’t speak to me, so then I won’t know what’s happening with you or the kid. While I fucking hate this is and fucking hate you for making me do this, I won’t tell him,” Merlin said, gaze unwavering. “At least I’ll be able to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t do anything too fucking stupid.”

            Eggsy wanted to sigh in relief. But he didn’t. “We’re not mates. I’m not going to let you control me.”

            “I’m not going to _control_ you. I’m just going to make sure you’re both okay . . .” he drew off, and his eyes softened. “Can I touch your stomach again? To feel them kick?”

            He wanted to yell at Merlin, to tell him to fuck off, that no one was going to touch his stomach. He didn’t even like the fact that someone else knew. But he relented. “Yes,” he said, and tried not to flinch when he gently pressed his hand against his stomach.

            The baby kicked. He tried not to flinch at that, either. While it had always been active, it was even more active when it felt the presence of something else.

            Merlin cooed softly. “Have you told anyone else about your pregnancy?”

            “No. You’re the first. The only other people that know are my doctors.”

            “So, you have been going then?”

            “Of course. I’m not an idiot. They even did an amnio because I was scared of there being birth defects due to my job. There are none. It’s healthy.”

            “You don’t know the gender?”

            “I didn’t want to know.”

            “Why not?”

            Eggsy turned his head away, angrily. “What does it matter to you?”

            “Is this about Harry?” Merlin asked, without stopping.

            “No.”

            “It is, isn’t it?”

            Eggsy growled. Merlin persisted. “Look, Eggsy, I already knew about you and Harry. I know this is his kid. What are you scared of that you won’t even learn it’s gender?”

            He snapped. “I didn’t learn it’s gender because if I did and imagined myself having a tiny little girl or boy that was Harry’s and it ended up dying for some reason, I didn’t want to be attached. If it dies before it’s born I just want it to be as painless as possible. It can’t be like that if I know what gender it is, have names picked out, have fucking _clothes_ for it, and know that this will be the only piece of Harry that I have left. _There_ , are you fucking happy?”

            “Eggsy . . .”

            “ _What?_ ”

            “If you’re so worried about it dying, why don’t you . . . I don’t know . . . take some leave?”

            “Because if I’m left alone too long with my thoughts . . .” he started off hot, the words flying out of his mouth before he could think, then it slowed. He stopped himself, and bowed his head.

            He heard Merlin swallow hard. “I didn’t see anything . . .”

            “It’s not on top.”

            He understood.

            “Look, Merlin, I’m late already. So . . .”

            Merlin jumped, pulling his hand back, and then took a step back. “Yeah . . . of course . . .” He wanted to say something else, but stopped himself.

            Eggsy planted his gaze firmly on the floor, and he walked past Merlin, fixing his suit jacket once again.

 

 

            Eggsy opened the door, with JB in his arms, and still in his pajamas. His hair was all disheveled, and he stared tiredly at Merlin, who was standing with a box in his arms. He frowned at Merlin. “What are you doing here?” he asked, adjusting JB.

            It had been a month since Merlin had figured out what was going on with him, and so far, he had been true to his word and left Eggsy to his own devices. This was the first time he had come to his house, even.

            “I brought you some food . . . and other things,” Merlin mumbled, shifting the box. “Can I come in?”

            Eggsy stepped aside, and Merlin stepped in, taking in the surroundings. Eggsy readjusted JB, trying to not feel self-conscious as he headed into the living room and lying down on the couch, cuddling JB.

            “How have you been eating?” Merlin asked, sitting down in a chair and putting the box on the coffee table.

            Eggsy glared at him. “I thought I told you that I wasn’t going to let you boss me around? I’m doing everything I’m supposed too.”

            Merlin leveled his gaze on him. “Do they know about you constantly going out and getting your ass beat?”

            “That doesn’t happen,” he retorted, face going red.

            “Look, Eggsy, I know you didn’t want anyone to control what you do, but I just felt like I had to do something, okay?” He said, rubbing his face tiredly as Eggsy put his feet up on the table. “I brought you some food and I even bought you some of the things it will need when it’s born.”

            “I _told you_ —” Eggsy said, sitting up, and growling deep in his throat while he glared at Merlin.

            “It’s not clothes or anything, although I _will_ buy you some once it’s born. It’s diapers and wipes and other things you’ll need. I doubted that you’d have any. Do you?” Merlin asked. He waited, and once he got no response, he nodded. “See, I’m doing you a favor. Now, I’m going to go make some of the food I bought you, and you’re going to eat it.”

            Eggsy grumbled, but didn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what Merlin would do if he refused. “Fine,” he said, burying his face in JB.

            Merlin grinned, then picked up the box, and headed into the kitchen.

 

 

            “. . . So, are you going to contact Harry’s parents?”

            Another month had passed. Eggsy was growing nervous as the due date was only two months away. Merlin and Eggsy were sitting in the living room, eating the food that Merlin had brought him once again. This had become a weekly tradition; one night a week, Merlin would come over and make him dinner. It annoyed Eggsy but the companionship made him feel better as well.

            He snorted, pushing the food around his plate with his fork. “What am I going to tell them? ‘Hey yeah this is Eggsy, your son’s mate. You know, the one who’s body was never recovered and so you’re not even one hundred percent sure if he died. Yeah, that one. Yeah, I’m having his baby. Surprise!’ It would probably crush them, and they’d probably wouldn’t even believe me. They’d call me a liar or something and not even want to be in its life. I can’t do that, Merlin,” he mumbled, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth.

            “You can’t hide it from them, either.”

            “I can too. They don’t know me. They don’t even know I exist. The bond was an accident, it’s not like he purposefully meant to do that with me . . .”

            Merlin swallowed, and noticed the dazed look in his eyes. He was obviously thinking about Harry, and wondering if the bond was actually something he wanted. He changed the subject. “What are you going to do with it?”

            Eggsy shrugged. “I’m keeping it, I know that much . . . But with my job it’ll be hard. I’ll get a baby sitter or something,” he said, and then eyed Merlin. “You could watch it . . .”

            “What?” Merlin asked, stunned. “Me? No, Eggsy, I can’t. I’m just as busy as you are. If Kingsman were to get attacked . . .”

            “I’m not saying _forever,_ ” he said exasperatedly. “I’m saying just for a bit. For maybe the first two months, until I can get a sitter. You know babies can’t be separated from family within the first two months.”

            “But I’m not—” Merlin began to insist, frowning, but then he stopped. “Oh . . . Eggsy . . .”

            Eggsy played around with his food again. “What? What did you expect? My mum and I aren’t talking. You’re the only family I have left.” Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped at them, pressing himself against JB, who let out little snorts as he got up and moved closer to Eggsy.

            He didn’t notice Merlin getting up and approaching him until he sat down. Eggsy perked up, and looked at him with surprise, but then settled down as Merlin pressed against him. “I am honored to be apart of your family, Eggsy.”

            Eggsy sniffed, and pressed his face against Merlin’s shoulder as he began to cry. Merlin put an arm around his shoulders, and let him.

 

 

            Eggsy woke up when a sharp pain shot through his stomach. He rolled onto his back, confused, and laid there for a few minutes, wondering what the fuck happened. He began to gently stroke JB, and dozed off again when the pain didn’t happen again. It felt like only a few minutes passed before the pain hit him again. He opened his eyes, and sat up, touching his stomach. He swallowed, knowing what that meant.

            He stared at the clock, and timed it. He dozed off slightly, but when he was woken up by another sharp pain, he looked at the clock. It had been twenty minutes since his last contraction, and from what Merlin had told him, that meant he had a while yet.

            He went back to sleep.

 

 

            The day was uneventful for the most part. He slept most of the day, keeping track of the time between the contractions. He had no plans to go to the hospital, instead he had built a tiny nest in the corner of his room, as instinct had told him too.

            JB padded around him, snorting loudly. He could probably tell something was wrong, and felt like he needed to be near him.

            Most of the day, his contractions were twenty to fifteen minutes apart. He wanted to get this over with, but it seemed the kid had other plans. He slept most of the day, curled up in his nest, only waking up when other needs called.

            His contractions were getting shorter towards the end of the night. Ten. Eight. Six. Four. He lost count. The pain got more intense, that his teeth ripped through one of the pillows. He didn’t call anyone. He knew he should but he didn’t.

            It was late in the afternoon when he heard the door open. “Eggsy?” came the voice that followed.

            He wanted to cry in relief when he realized it was Merlin—because at least then he’d have help—but he also wanted to snap, to bark at him to get out, because he wasn’t his alpha, he shouldn’t _be here_.

            But, he instead weakly called out, “Merlin.”

            There was a moment of utter silence, before he heard loud, thundering footsteps coming down the hallway and rapidly running up the stairs. Merlin stopped in the doorway, hands grabbing the door jam as he looked worriedly around the room. Once his eyes landed on Eggsy, he rushed over, and kneeled by the rest.

            “Eggsy,” he began, staring down at him, taking in how he looked like a sweaty mess. “We need to get you to the hospital—” He stopped when he saw Eggsy shaking his head. “No?”

            “No,” he said, rubbing his face against what remained of one of his pillows. “I want to do it here.”

            “At least let me call someone,” Merlin pleaded. When he saw Eggsy shake his head no, he relented. “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

            Eggsy shrugged. Merlin wanted to throttle him.

            “How far are they apart?” Merlin asked, instead of doing just that.

            “I don’t know . . . you’ll have to time them. I lost count at four,” he mumbled, taking Merlin’s outstretched hand. He squeezed his hand tightly, clenching his eyes close at the pain and gritting his teeth. He released it once it was over, then repeated it when another one struck.

            “Two minutes,” Merlin murmured once Eggsy released his grip on his hand. “You should take off your trousers so I can see how much you’ve dilated.”

            Eggsy grumbled, and kicked them off. “How can you be able to tell?”

            “Ah . . . well . . . I ah . . .”

            “You looked that up, didn’t you?”

            He saw Merlin’s cheeks go red. “I figured when you went to the hospital you’d want me there. If nurses weren’t in there to tell you, I figured . . .”

            “Shut up, I was teas—oh,” he let out a moan, resting his head back on the pillows. The contractions were beginning to last sixty seconds, and he knew he was starting to go into active labor. There was a loud popping noise, and his legs were suddenly wet with fluid.

            He met Merlin’s eyes, which were as wide as saucers. “Is it supposed to make that noise?” Merlin asked.

            “It happens,” Eggsy grunted out. “Get some towels, will you? I have everything else in a container under the sink. Hurry please. I don’t think it’ll be much longer . . .”

            Merlin’s eyes still had that wide, terrified look, but he nodded and ran off to fetch said items.

 

 

            Eggsy just wanted to curl up and sleep for many, _many_ years.

            Shortly after Merlin had gathered all the supplies they’d need for the delivery, the baby had decided it to just say ‘fuck it’ and was ready to go, but halfway through decided to stop. It was another four hours before it was delivered, and there were only slight complications. Its umbilical cord had been wrapped around its neck, but Merlin easily got it unwrapped. Eggsy had developed anemia during the first stage of pregnancy, and while he had been taking pills for it, his inability to move during the contractions meant that his red blood cell count was low, and he almost passed out a couple of times while pushing.

            But they were fine. They were _both_ fine, and around midnight, the pain finally stopped and a cry broke out. Eggsy had wanted to cry, but didn’t, and instead completely relaxed against the sheets. Merlin looked a little stunned and relieved, but he didn’t say anything. He disappeared into the bathroom, while Eggsy closed his eyes. He heard the faucet to the tub turn up, and heard Merlin gently shushing the baby as he wiped it clean with a towel.

            It took him a few moments to realize that Merlin hadn’t even told him the gender. Anxiously, he waited for him to return.

            He relaxed when he saw the baby in his arms, wrapped in a towel. Merlin smiled softly at him as he lowered the baby into Eggsy’s arms. “It’s a girl,” he mumbled.

            Eggsy looked down at the baby, completely stunned. “A girl?” he asked, staring at her hard. Her tiny mouth opened wide in a yawn, and she closed her eyes, with her tiny fits resting up by her head.

            He had a daughter.

            Tears dripped onto the towel, and he blinked rapidly, trying to force them away. He couldn’t believe it. He had a daughter and she was actually here and she was okay. Everything had been fine.

            “What are you doing to name her?” Merlin asked softly.

            “Lucy,” Eggsy whispered, gently taking one of her tiny hands. “Lucy Hart.”

 

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” Roxy demanded, angrily glaring at him as she held Lucy in her arms.

            There were in the hospital. While Eggsy didn’t have any complications while giving birth, Lucy had done quite a lot of damage to his womb, and apparently his job hadn’t been so nice to it either. So, here they were, with Eggsy preparing to go into surgery, and was completely nervous about leaving his one-week old baby alone.

            Well . . . not completely alone. Merlin was there, and so was Roxy. Nothing could happen to her.

            “I’m sorry Roxy,” Eggsy apologized, crossing his arms over his chest. “I originally planned on not telling anyone. But then Merlin figured it out on his own, and I still to this day don’t know how.”

            Merlin smirked at him. “Every so often I take a glance at all the agent’s medical files. You were going to the doctor a lot, so it made me wonder, and then I remembered the fact that you had a bond mark . . . It was just a matter of checking your shoulder for the bruising.”

            Eggsy snorted, while Roxy said, “I still don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me. I would have left you alone! Although, I would have made sure I accompanied you on missions . . .”

            “And that’s exactly why. I don’t need an alpha breathing down my neck. I _can_ take care of myself.”

            “Which is obvious, from the fact that you completed all of those while pregnant.” She eyed him. “I’m going to have to make sure I pay more attention to your scent from now on. I can’t believe I missed that . . .”

 

 

            Eggsy cried with joy when he finally made Harry remember. It was such a relief that he finally had him back, that he finally wasn’t going to be alone on this, and that he could finally tell him about Lucy. He hated that he had to pull a gun on a dog to do it, but he needed Harry back. Not just for this mission, but for once it was over as well. Two years had been along enough.

            Harry pulled Eggsy into a hug, holding the dog awkwardly in his arm to make sure it didn’t get smooshed between them. Eggsy held him tightly, crying and sobbing hard. This initial confusion for Harry was over; this was just the reunion now.

            “Eggsy . . .” Harry mumbled, kissing his forehead.

            “Yes?” he asked, gripping the front of Harry’s sweats. He looked up at him, and wondered if he was going to tell him the words he had been waiting to hear.

            “You smell off,” he said instead, causing Eggsy to jump. “Have you taken another mate?”

            “What?” Eggsy asked, confused. “No! Why would I? Harry, you know that I—”

            “Yes, oh yes, I know that you do. But your scent . . .”

            Eggsy dropped down flat onto his feet. He stared up at Harry, and chewed on his lip, nervously. He had forgotten about his change of scent—and to be frank, he was hoping that he hadn’t noticed yet—and didn’t know what to tell him.

            “Eggsy?” Harry called, bringing him out of his thoughts. Eggsy pulled at the skin around his lips.

            “Harry . . . do you remember when . . . when I had my heat? Right before our big argument and you left for America?” he asked softly. Once he saw him nod, he continued, “Well . . . I . . . I got pregnant. And I had your child. That’s . . . that’s why I smell different.”

            Harry stared at him. Eggsy stared right back. He swallowed nervously, as Harry’s eyes slowly went wide with realization. “I realize that our bond was created more out of need than love. I understand if you don’t want to be together or in her life, it’s okay—”

            Soft lips pressed against his, and his eyes fluttered shut as Harry kissed him. This time he was slowly bent backwards, and Harry’s hand came up to touch the small of his back. When Harry finally pulled away, he asked, “We have a daughter together?” It was all the confirmation that Eggsy needed that yes, they would be together, and yes, he would be there for her.

            Eggsy nodded. “Her name is Lucy,” he whispered back, brushing their noses together. “Would you like to see her? I have photos of her.”

            Harry nodded, and Eggsy dragged him over to the bed, pulling out his phone. He pulled up the album and gave it to Harry, who immediately began to scroll through it, making soft noises as the things he approved of. “She wasn’t at any of the Kingsman locations when they were attacked?” he asked softly.

            Eggsy shook his head no. “I always made sure if I wasn’t home she wasn’t either. She’s with my friend Tilde.”

            Harry raised an eyebrow. “As in the Swedish princess Tilde?”

            Eggsy smiled nervously. “It’s a long story.”

            “Oh, I bet . . .” Harry looked back down at the phone. “I’m glad she’s all right. It was smart of you to put her somewhere she wouldn’t be found.”

            Eggsy swallowed sharply. “Yeah. I wish I could have saved more than just her and JB.” He turned his eyes down, tears filling his eyes.

            Harry took his hand, and squeezed it. _Its not your fault_ , the touch said, but Eggsy’s mind knew differently.

            The phone rang. Both turned to look at it. It was Tilde.

            “Answer it,” Eggsy mumbled. Harry did.

            The phone screen went black for a second, before a small, chubby-cheeked girl with brown eyes and Harry’s gold colored hair appeared on the screen, sitting on Tilde’s lap. The girl’s hair was in a braid, but a few curls managed to escape.

            Harry stared at her in wonder.

Eggsy smiled softly. “Hello, Lucy.”

**Author's Note:**

> again, follow me if u want on tumblr. @lensmccoys


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